Coaching Tips on Effectiveness

Or how to focus on what matters to YOU.

Posts Tagged ‘Life management

Your hardships are your lessons

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Let me share two stories with you:

One of the persons most dear to me in the world has serious issues. She believes that she means nothing as long as she can’t have the man she loves. Who left her about half a year ago. She is paralysed by suffering and cannot move her life an inch. And nothing will change, until she will chose to change.

I have a colleague who’s very action oriented. She can’t stand people who are resistant to change. Ironic or not, she will change her job soon enough, and one of the people she will have to work with is one who is rather conservative and detail oriented. She’s in for a hard time.

What do both have in common?

Both have a barrier that they’ve set to themselves. One of them is “I can’t do anything”, the other one is “I need to get something done”.
And both have a lesson to learn.

It is said that the hardships you get in life are your lessons. They will keep coming back to you until you’ve learned your lesson.

How does this work?

Your mind has  patterns. It creates millions of canals through which synapses form. Practically, these canals are the way you keep reacting to certain stimuli. And if you keep reacting in the same way, you’ll keep getting the same results.
Think about the recurring issues in your life.
What pattern can you see around them?
What behaviour of yours keeps repeating?

I am very fast. I am so fast, that I tend to hit the reply and send button without thinking much about what I type in between. This caused me serious trouble one or two times.
So, ironic or not, I got a job where I’m involved in extensive sensitive communication. I now have to think through messages and procedures, and carefully analyse possible implications. Nightmarish at first, but a good education for my buzzing self.

What you have issues on is precisely what you’re going to have to work on.

You may decide to postpone this, but you’re in for a long and hard journey. These lessons are going to return to you until you take the challenge and accept what they have to teach.

Practical self – work:

  • Think about the most annoying person you’ve had to deal with.
  • What are 2 things that you can’t stand in this person?
  • Now, can you name one more person who has the same characteristics, and who showed up in your life previously?
  • How did your behavior influence the relationship with this person?
  • Is there any part of your behavior, that, if changed, would make a drastic improvement?
  • Can you make this change?
  • As of when?

Written by effectivenesscoach

November 17, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Too many things, too little time

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In his book (reading now) “Getting things done”, David Allen says that if we were to list down all the things – literally ALL the things – we should do, we would get to about 300 hours worth of time spent.

Our time belongs to everybody else. And in every day’s battle, we push for a little autonomy.

Therefore, here’s some food for thought:

Life’s too short to try to do everything. Think about what matters.
Do ONLY the things you want.
Do only the things you choose to do.

Do you know what these things are?

Do you know WHAT you want?

It’s not the “everyone’s coming to get me” feeling that creates frustration. It’s not the “I have too many things on my plate” that bothers you.

No, what creates frustration is the fact that you’re not clear on WHY you’re doing them.
Knowing the long term purpose of what you’re doing now, crystallizes a future. This future is your choice, and only yours.
The fact that YOU have made this choice, creates fulfillment.

Ultimately, I think that’s what we’re looking for:
– having a purpose
– knowing that we’re consciously moving towards that purpose, and not dragged away by the world around us.

You may not be exactly doing the job of your life right now, but put it in perspective – what about doing this job creates fulfillment to you? Maybe it’s the prospect of being promoted, to manage others. Maybe it’s about earning more money to build a nice house to grow your kids in. Maybe it’s about learning more about the field you’re in, before opening your own business. All of these are fine. But what’s your end purpose?
Where are you headed to?

Written by effectivenesscoach

November 2, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Life Management

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I know, I know, it’s a big word. Life. Can anyone actually manage one’s entire life?

As I’m preparing for next week’s Time Management training,  I got to a few personal findings, which I’m gonna share. They’re not rocket science, and they’re not 100% mine. But useful, for sure!

1. Time Management is so long gone. Like a friend of mine said “Coaching is the new black” I go “Life Management is the new black”! And it includes Daily (Time) Management. DailyLife Management

What’s Life Management? Where do you want to go with your life? Call it your Bucket List (100 things to do before you die) or call it a Mission Statement (Steve Pavlina here says you can actually create one in 20 minutes!). It’s knowing who you are and what your meaning is.

It’s also the most difficult quest of your life.

Daily (Time) management is just the little bits and pieces that connect the dots to the highway that’s Life. However, if the bits and pieces don’t stick together and go in the same direction, your highway might just feel like a bumpy, winding road.

Highway Bumpy road

2. In order to have good Life – and Time! – Management, you need 2 things:

1. Focus.  Know where you want to go. Know what you need to do in order to get there. And then, focus on these things.

2. Discipline. It’s no use to have a brilliant mission statement posted all over the walls, if you ain’t practicing what you preach. A trainer I once met in “7 Habits” training said “Be careful. Outside that door is a roaring river. Once you step out, it will flood you.”  You need exceptional clarity of mind and – yes! – discipline to stay focused.

This does not mean you should foolishly resist to interruptions, or post a big “Do Not Disturb” sign on your desk. (OK, sometimes you can, but not all the time).

An inspiring idea is to use the tasks, phonecalls, interruptions, emails that come to you and treat them like an Aikido master (thanks Cata!)

Think of a few ways you can use them. Not reject or resist them. Use them.

Back soon with more thoughts on daily effectiveness 🙂

Written by effectivenesscoach

October 14, 2009 at 11:30 am