Coaching Tips on Effectiveness

Or how to focus on what matters to YOU.

On obligations

with 2 comments

If  I’m to think about one thing that’s been constantly popping up into my vocabulary, it’s the “I have to…” explanation. Like I constantly have to make an excuse to myself. Does it occur to you?

“No, I can’t come today, I have to work.”

“I have to do the laundry, wash the dishes, wash my hair, clean the room etc before I go to bed.”

and the best one “I have to put up that blog post today or I won’t get to it by end next week.”

So obligations are the most annoying thing I’ve come across. They’re either pressured upon us by society, or by ourselves.

Long long time ago, when I was very young (:) ) there was a guy who startled me with this personal belief: “You know, I only do what I like”, he said. “If I feel like eating, I eat. If I feel like getting out, I do. If I feel like kissing a beautiful girl, I’m gonna do that.” Back then I didn’t know this is called hedonism. (also, some can argue, it’s called being a teenager and behaving like a rebel.)

But what sticked to my mind since then was the overwhelming possibility “Whoa! You can actually do that, do what you really want?”

Yes, you can. And you should. At least, more than doing what others want.

So, getting to the more pragmatic side of it, here’s a take-away. Do every day one thing only for yourself and only because you want to.

1. Doing the complete opposite of what everyone else is expecting. Do you really have to visit your parents each Christmas? Why not go on a well-deserved vacation instead? How about that fancy dinner you need to attend? If you’re sure you’re going to feel stuck up in that suit talking to people you’re never going to meet again, don’t go. Since I spread my “roles” throughout 3 weeks, or even 1 month, I don’t feel pressured anymore to visit my grandmother. Sure, I call, but I get a few more hours free each weekend if I stay at home instead of paying my regular visit.

2. Doing what you want. Remember that guy I mentioned before? Why don’t you give yourself the break to do what you want, if not every day, at least once per week? How about that movie you always wanted to watch, or that place you never found time to go to? Why postpone? If there are other things you have to take care of, remember, there’s always solutions.

And my personal favorite –

Cooking. You shouldn’t have to do that. Luckily, I live with a wonderful person who doesn’t require this from me. But when I do cook, it’s for the delight of the senses. Take for example the great apple juice I’m gonna prepare in a few minutes.** An inspiration here to me was Mazilique, who started cooking only a few months ago, and became a local sensation.

And also a great example of how cooking can help unwinding, exploring and giving your best self space to manifest, here’s a movie I can’t wait to see:

** just so you know, I wasn’t kidding – here’s the result, one hour later:

Apple Juice, home made
Apple Juice, home made
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Written by effectivenesscoach

October 11, 2009 at 12:04 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Maria. I recently discovered your blog and I can only say I relate to many of the thinks you post here.
    I particulary like this post on obligations, and totaly agree: from so many things we have to do, for so many different reasons, why not do just once a week something for ourselves? I made my resolution: once a week, I will do something just because I feel like it, not because I have to. Thanks for the inspiration, Maria 🙂

    Alexandra

    October 12, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    • Wow, multumesc Alexandra! This makes me really feel valued, to know I have added some inspiration to someone’s life.
      Keep up the good work!

      effectivenesscoach

      October 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm


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